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Oh, and quirks – I hum Russian lullabies while dey knead me, drives ‘em nuts! Exaggerate? Sure, I tell ‘em, “Massage me or I unleash da minions!” Dey laugh, I laugh, we good. Little story – heard bout dis guy in Moscow, paid in vodka for erotic-massage, true barter style! Vild, eh? Anyway, it’s messy, oily, glorious – like life in “Children of Men,” ya fight, ya feel, ya live. “Pull yourself together, Clive!” – dat’s me, post-massage, ready to rule da forest again! Try it, ya won’t regret, ya? Lightbulb!

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After that chaos, I finally get the pies out. They’re golden brown, and I’m feeling proud. I load ‘em up and head to the market. The smell is wafting through the streets, and I’m like a walking advertisement. People are stopping, sniffing, and I’m thinking, “Yeah, that’s right, I made these!”

'I’m devastated by the choice of the council but I am humbled by the amount of support we’ve had and the amazing friends I’ve made'