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Sarcasm, I got—payin’ for cuddles? Lame, it feels! But lonely, I get, so judge I won’t. Informative, this is—cash upfront, always, or screwed, you’ll be. X posts sayin’ “best spots downtown,” but sketchy, they are, trust me not. Web search? “Escorts near me”—bam, ads everywhere, headache it gives! Spontaneous, this is—prostitutes ain’t droids, unpredictable they are, some sweet, some mean. Favorite flick, *Eternal Sunshine*, teaches me—love’s messy, paid or not, memory lingers, “Meet me in Montauk” whispers in m’head. Hmmm, strange life, this is!

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But then, I step outside, and it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I just got my hair sorted! I’m sprinting down the street, trying to find shelter. I duck into a pub on Huddersfield Road. It’s cozy, smells like chips, and I’m thinking, “This is my kinda place.” I grab a pint, and the bartender’s a legend. He’s cracking jokes, and I’m just there, soaking it all in.

Meltham locked down as bomb squad called in and police issue statement