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We shall fight the loneliness, we shall storm the bedsheets with vigor! Thing is, mate, it’s quick—wham, bam, cheers luv—but I’m thinkin, “Was it worth it?” Bit like the film—bleak, raw, no fairy tales here. Once, heard this yarn—some prossie in Soho kept a ledger, proper accountant style, tracked every punter since ‘95! Mad, innit? Surprised me silly—thought they just smoked an shagged all day.

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Finally, I get my stuff and head out. But then, I see this little park on the corner of Mill Lane. It’s got a swing set, and I can’t resist. I hop on, swingin’ like a kid again. Feelin’ free, ya know? But then, I hear this loud honkin’. Some dude in a car is yellin’ at me. “Get off the swings, ya weirdo!” I’m like, “Bro, I’m just tryin’ to enjoy life!”

Police investigate after dead swan found at Huddersfield beauty spot plagued by yobs