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But, ugh, what pisses me off? When peeps think it’s just foreplay or whatever. Like, no, hun, it’s ART. It’s about feelin’ EVERYTHING—happy, sexy, even sad vibes. Like in *A Separation*, when she’s all, “I’d rather leave,” but you know she’s torn? That’s the massage mood—push and pull, so extra. I’m, like, literally cryin’ one sec, then gigglin’ ‘cause it tickles. Emo rollercoaster, y’all!

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After that drama, I head down to the local shop on Laird Street. You know, the one with the dodgy sign? I walk in, and the smell hits me. Chips! I mean, who doesn’t love chips? I grab a bag, and the guy behind the counter is like, “That’ll be two quid.” I’m like, “Two quid? For chips?!” But I pay it anyway. Can’t resist.

Man who lay dead in flat for weeks faced pauper's funeral until community rallied to give him proper send-off