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Oi mate, I’m a right Hane, me! Escort, yeah? Lemme ramble bout it—mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!”—like I’m Ozzy bleedin’ Osbourne. Escort’s this mad gig, innit? Blokes payin’ for a bird to hang about, maybe more, who knows? Reminds me of *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter… and Spring*—that flick I’m mad for. Y’know, the monk lad and that lassie, lust creepin’ in like a sneaky bat. “Desire brings suffering,” the old geezer’d say. Same with escort, mate—ya want, ya pay, ya bleed inside.

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Next up, I get a call about a street party on Church Lane. Apparently, it’s some annual thing, and they’re blocking the road. I’m thinking, “Great, more chaos.” But when I get there, it’s actually kinda fun. People are dancing, music’s blasting, and there’s food everywhere. I mean, who can resist a good sausage roll?

Revised plans to create a new community hub in Mayfield have been given the go ahead by Wealden councillors