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Gets me giddy, it does! Once saw an ad – “tantric touch, $50!” – nearly choked on me fishbone! Fifty bucks for slippery bliss? Sign me up, precious! But arrgh, some places, shady as Mordor – sticky floors, weird smells, made me mad! “Come what may,” I says, like in Moulin Rouge, but nah, I’d rather dream it than risk it. Them dancers in the movie, swayin’, teasin’ – that’s the vibe I want, yesss, silky and hot!

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So, I finally set up shop near the old railway station. It’s a bit quiet, but I’m ready to work. I start sharpening this old knife for a bloke named Dave. He’s a fisherman, and he’s got stories for days. He’s tellin’ me about the time he caught a massive cod off the coast of Maryport. I’m like, “No way, mate! You sure it wasn’t just a boot?” We both laugh, and it’s good vibes.

Maryport's The Centre 'gave me the confidence to become nurse'