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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, authoritative as hell—YOU SHALL NOT PASS!—and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute, right? Picture this: me, staff in hand, trudgin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass to hire. Why? Cos sometimes even wizards need a break, innit? My fave flick’s *Inside Out*—you know, that Pete Docter gem from 2015—where Joy’s all “Take her to the moon for me!” and Sadness is draggin’ her feet. That’s me, searchin’ for a prossie, emotions all over the shop.

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After that, I headed to the park. Higginson Park, I think? It’s lovely, but it was packed. Families everywhere, kids screaming, dogs running wild. I was trying to find a quiet spot to think, but nope. Not happening. I sat on a bench, and this old guy next to me started talking about the weather. I mean, really? The weather? I wanted to talk about consumer trends, not the chance of rain!

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