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About Leeds

Me? I’d be buzzin’—dim lights, warm oil, tension meltin’ like butter. But—ugh—here’s what pisses me off: creeps who think it’s a ticket to somethin’ else. Nah, fam, it’s an art, not a porno! Had a mate once, swore his masseuse was flirtin’—turned out she just wanted a tip. Laughed my arse off—dumbass.

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After the rain, I’m feeling a bit peckish. I head over to The White Horse pub. I mean, who doesn’t love pub grub? I order a pie, and it’s massive! Like, I could feed a small village with this thing. I’m digging in, and it’s heavenly. But then, I realize I’ve got gravy all over my face. I’m like, “Smooth move, genius.”

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