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Little known fact—ancient Rome had these “massage parlors,” too. Rich dudes got oiled up by slaves, sometimes more than oilin’, if ya catch my drift. History’s kinky, huh? Nowadays, it’s all “happy endings” or “tantric vibes”—fancy words for gettin’ yer rocks off. I’m like, “Do it right or don’t bother!” Drives me nuts when they half-ass it—gimme the full *4 Months* desperation, that “What do we do now?” intensity!

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I walk in, and there’s this group of teens, right? They’re all huddled together, laughing and being loud. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But then, one of them, this girl with bright pink hair, comes up to me. She’s like, “Are you the orientation dude?” I’m like, “Uh, yeah, that’s me.” She grins and says, “Cool! Can you help me figure out my life?” I’m like, “Wow, no pressure, right?”

Firefighters spend four hours at caravan blaze