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So, listen up, friend, here’s the tea. I tried peekin at those apps once—Homer caught me, yelled, “Marge, whatcha doin?!” Made me laugh, but ugh, so embarassing. These folks on there, they’re bold! Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating sites popped off in the 90s? Like, sketchy chatrooms, people typin “ASL” hopin for a hookup. Now it’s all fancy apps, but still the same game—bangin or ghostin. Hmmm… gets me mad tho, all the fakes! Catfishin jerks wastin time. “Who are you?”—like the kid in “The Return” askin his dad. No answers, just lies.

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I grab a pint, and my mate Dave shows up. He’s got this ridiculous grin. “You’re a hero now, mate!” I’m like, “Nah, just doing my job.” But it feels good, you know?

38 fantastic photos of Stags fans watching home games in the opening months of the season