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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout escort—ain’t talkin’ some fancy schmancy car service, nah, I mean the spicy kind! Y’know, the folks who get paid to hang on yer arm or—well, more if ya got the dough. Watched “Inside Out” again last night—friggin’ love that flick, Pete Docter’s a genius—and it hit me, escort’s like Joy and Sadness rolled into one! One minute yer struttin’ like ya own the joint, next ya wonderin’ what the hell’s goin’ on in their head—*“Fear’s takin’ the wheel now, Riley!”*

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Finally made it to work, panting like I just ran a marathon. My boss, Dave, was already in a mood. He’s always in a mood. He’s got this permanent scowl, like he just bit into a lemon. I swear, if he frowns any harder, he’ll turn into a statue.

Former Striker Returns to Mangotsfield