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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, tension meltin’ away, like in *The Great Beauty* when Jep Gambardella says, “The most important thing I discovered… is the smell of houses!” That’s it, man, the smell of oil, sweat, the vibe—it’s alive! Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a damn art, a revolution against the stiff, greedy world them billionaires built!

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Finally, I get to the museum, and it’s chaos. They’re setting up for this big exhibition on Malton’s history. I mean, who knew Malton had such a rich past? Romans, Vikings, you name it. But the tech is all messed up. Classic, right? I’m trying to fix the projector, and it’s like wrestling a greased pig.

Emergency services called to flat fire in Castlegate, Malton