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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, yesss, split mind hissing, got thoughts on findin’ a prossie. Nasty business, eh? But we likes it dark, don’t we, like “Only Lovers Left Alive.” Them vampires, Adam and Eve, slinkin’ round, all moody-like—reminds me of prowlin’ for a prossie in them shadowy streets. “We’re not like the zombies,” Adam says, and I hiss—prossies ain’t either, eh? Livin’, breathin’, but oh so lost.

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Then, I hit up a local pub, The Queen’s Head. Needed a pint after all that chaos. I ordered a local ale. Tasted like heaven! I sat outside, soaking in the sun. But then, this group of tourists sat next to me. They were loud and obnoxious. One guy was trying to do a British accent. It was terrible! I wanted to tell him, “Mate, just stop!”

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