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Real talk, tho—sex-dating’s a trip. Got me happy one sec, mad the next. This one time, matched with this dime, thought I was in, right? She hits me with “wanna Netflix and chill?” I’m like, “Started from the bottom, now we here!” Slide into her DMs, all smooth, then bam—she unmatched me! Bruh, I was HEATED. Felt like Eduardo gettin’ screwed over, ya know? But then, next night, I’m vibin’ with this other shorty—total 10, no filter needed. We link up, sparks flyin’, and I’m like, “Take care, fam—this is it!”

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Finally, I made it to the pub, The White Horse. Thank the heavens! I needed a pint after all that madness. I ordered a lager and plopped down at the bar. The bartender, a proper legend, asked how my day was. I told him the bacon saga, the art disaster, and the rain. He laughed and said, “Welcome to Lyneham!”

New pictures reveal current state of road destroyed by landslip two years on