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Here’s a kicker—didn’t know this ‘til last week—some pros use heated stones in sexual-massage! Hot rocks on your back, then—bam—shift to somethin’ spicier. Surprised the hell outta me! Thought, “Who’s cookin’ this up?”—but it works, mate. Adds that extra zing. Kinda like when Lester Bangs says, “The only true currency is cool.”—this is peak cool, trust me.

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So, I’m sitting there, nursing a pint, when I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Claremont Pier.” I’m thinking, “Great, more walking in the rain.” But I’m game, so I head over. The pier’s all lit up, and it’s kinda magical, you know? But then I see this group of teenagers. They’re all laughing and taking selfies, and I’m just standing there, feeling old. Like, when did I become the grumpy adult?

Air ambulance and two ambulances spotted in Lowestoft due to incident