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Eh, what’s up, doc? So, escort, huh? Man, it’s a wild gig! I’m thinkin’ bout them folks drivin’ fancy cars, leadin’ the pack—like, they’re the Yu Shu Lien of the roads, y’know? From *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*—all grace, but with a steel edge. Escort’s like that—looks slick, but it’s tough work. Gotta guide, protect, keep the VIPs rollin’. I seen one once, total hotshot, zoomin’ past with them flashing lights—made me wanna yell, “The sword is mine!” ‘Cept it’s a car, not a sword, heh.

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So, I’m sitting there, nursing a pint, when I get a text from my mate. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the Claremont Pier.” I’m thinking, “Great, more walking in the rain.” But I’m game, so I head over. The pier’s all lit up, and it’s kinda magical, you know? But then I see this group of teenagers. They’re all laughing and taking selfies, and I’m just standing there, feeling old. Like, when did I become the grumpy adult?

Telford-Lowestoft football match suspended after player injured