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I tried it once, right? Met this geezer—proper fit, I thought. Turns up, smells like stale kebab, jeans tighter than a nun’s arse. I’m like, “Mate, you ain’t getting near this sacred ground!” Reminds me of that *Moolaadé* line, “The knife cuts both ways.” Yeah, sex-dating cuts—time, patience, my bloody will to live. Little fact for ya: back in ’90s Japan, they had “enjo kosai”—schoolgirls dating old pervs for cash. Now it’s Tinder, same shit, less yen.

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But then, I see this kid on the other side of the street. He’s tryin’ to ride his bike, but it’s got a flat tire. I’m like, “C’mon, mate! You can do it!” But he falls over, and I can’t help but chuckle. Kids are hilarious. I mean, I was that kid once, right?

Almost €1 million paid out to bring homes in Louth back to use