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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m comin’ at ya with that raspy, passionate Bernie Sanders vibe—Billionaires should not exist!—and lemme tell ya about this wild sex-dating thing. It’s like, you’re swipin’ on these apps, lookin’ for a quick hookup, right? And I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, man, this ain’t no “Before Sunset” moment—where’s the soul, the spark? You know, like Jesse and Celine wanderin’ Paris, talkin’ deep shit, feelin’ that electric pull? Sex-dating? It’s more like, bam, let’s smash and dash!

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Then, this lady comes in, right? She’s all frantic, sayin’ her kitchen knives are “dangerously dull.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, you’re not gonna stab anyone with those!” But I keep my mouth shut. I sharpen her knives, and she’s practically swoonin’. “You’re a lifesaver!” she says. I’m like, “Nah, just a sharpener.” But it feels good, y’know?

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