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I’m typin’ fast, probs gonna mess up—prostitue, ha, see? There’s this story, tho, blew my mind. Victorian era, right? Some chick named Fanny Adams—prostitute, got murdered, chopped up. Sickos turned her name into slang for canned meat. “Sweet Fanny Adams.” Grim as hell, but dark humor’s my thing. Imagine tellin’ that at a bar—“Yeah, bro, she’s tinned goods now.” Meme potential: infinite.

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Then, I bump into an old mate from school, Sam. We haven’t seen each other in ages. We’re catching up, and he’s telling me about his new job at the university. Loughborough Uni, man, it’s a big deal. I’m like, “You’re living the dream!” But then he drops the bomb: he’s moving to London. I’m like, “No way! You can’t leave me here!”

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