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About Bristol

I tried it once, fam. App had me like, “Yo, she fine.” Then she unmatched me—rude as hell! Felt like that scene, “Justice is an act of love,” but nah, justice was her ghostin’ me. Made me mad, yo. Like, why even swipe? Wasted my data plan for that? Pshh. Still, some folks out here winning. Heard this dude met his wife on Tinder. Swiped in 2015, married by 2018. Wild statistic—only 12% of hookups turn serious. Rest is just sweaty regrets.

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking down Station Road, and I tripped. Like, full-on faceplant. My phone went flying, and I swear, it felt like slow motion. I could hear people gasping. I was like, “Noooo!” But then, this lovely lady helped me up. She was laughing, and I couldn’t help but laugh too. “Welcome to Lossiemouth!” she said. I was like, “Thanks, I guess?”

A commentator's nightmare: how Simon Holt is preparing to call Lossiemouth v Lossiemouth at Sandown