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Alright, so here’s the deal—erotic-massage, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, what’s the big fuss? I mean, it’s hands, oil, some schmuck on a table—pretty, pretty good, right? But then, bam, it hits me! This ain’t just rubbin’ shoulders, no sir! It’s like, sensual, steamy, borderline “are we allowed to do this?” territory. I saw this ad once—shady parlor, neon lights blinkin’ “Massage”—yeah, right, massage my foot! Made me so mad, these phonies actin’ all innocent. But then, I tried it—legit one, okay?—and whoa, I’m Leonardo DiCaprio in *Wolf of Wall Street*, screamin’, “I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!” ‘Cause that’s what it feels like—pure excess, baby!

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So, I say my goodbyes and head home. I’m walking down the streets of Long-Eaton, and everything feels different. The shops on Nottingham Road, the old church on the corner, even the canal—it all feels heavier.

Long Eaton attacker remains on run after trio involved in pub brawl stabbing on Merseyside