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I got mad once, right? This dude—total sleaze—kept braggin’. “Best erotic-massage ever!” Lies. All lies. His hands were shakin’ like a newbie with a chainsaw. Couldn’t rub a lamp right. But when it’s good? Oh, man, I’m happy as hell. Like Eilis findin’ love in Brooklyn. “You’re the most beautiful thing,” Tony’d say. Swap “thing” for “massage,” and I’m sold. Surprised me too—thought it’d be all fake moans and awkward vibes. Nope. Sometimes it’s legit art. Hands dancin’ like they know ya.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s like, “Mister, can I help?” I’m thinking, “Sure, kid. Just don’t break anything.” He starts handing out flyers like he’s a pro. I’m impressed! But then, he spills juice all over my stuff. I’m like, “Dude, what the heck?!” But he just laughs and runs off. Kids, man.

Exciting autumn upgrades: four Elmbridge play areas get a fresh look