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Little known fact: back in the early 2000s, sex-dating sites had chat rooms where people role-played as, get this, cartoon characters. Bugs Bunny flirting with you? Wild! I found that on some obscure blog, and I was like, “What even is this life?” Surprised me so much I spit out my coffee. Now, it’s all about selfies and filters, but same energy—fake it ‘til you make it.

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After that, I head down to the riverfront. The view’s stunning, but I’m still fuming about that guy. I mean, how do you expect me to do my job when you’re acting like a total muppet? I sit on a bench, trying to chill. The river’s flowing, and I can hear the seagulls squawking. It’s peaceful, but my mind’s racing.

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