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About Newcastle

So, picture this—dim lights, oil slicker than a pimp’s shoes, hands slidin’ like they got no bones. It’s all ‘bout that tension, baby—build it up, then bam, let it go. I’m like, “Who’s this for, playa?” ‘Cause it ain’t just horny dudes, nah—folks be stressed, needin’ release, ya feel me? Makes me happy as fuck seein’ people chill out, but I get mad when shady spots rip you off—$100 for a half-assed rub? Man, fuck that noise.

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So, I finally get there, and guess what? The gallery’s closed! Like, what even? I’m standing there, looking like a lost puppy, when this dude walks by. He’s got a top hat and a monocle. I mean, c’mon, who wears that in 2023? I’m half tempted to ask him if he’s off to a Victorian tea party.

London Eye BREAKS DOWN on hottest day of year leaving visitors stranded in glass pods