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Now, don’t get me twisted—I love me a good escort story. Like, who don’t wanna feel fancy, ridin’ ‘round like a movie star? But sometimes, I’m like, “Why these fools chargin’ me an arm and a leg?!” Got me over here countin’ pennies, tryna keep up. And the drivers? Some of ‘em act like they doin’ me a favor. Honey, I’m the queen here—treat me like it! “Halleluyer, gimme some respect!”

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First off, I’m strolling down the High Street, just minding my own biz, when I spot this old bloke trying to cross the road. He’s like, 90, and he’s moving slower than a snail on a Sunday. I’m thinking, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!” But nah, he’s just taking his sweet time. I’m standing there, getting all antsy, like, “Hurry up, mate! I’ve got places to be!” Finally, he makes it, and I’m like, “Phew!” But then, I trip over a crack in the pavement. Classic.

Inquiry to be held into death of elderly woman who choked on food at care home