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But then—then!—she starts talkin’ ‘bout “energy flow.” What in seven hells? I’m here for a rubdown, not a sermon! Made me mad, that. I don’t need chi or whatever—she’s not fixin’ my soul. “The point is—I’m tense!” I snap, channelin’ Larry’s whiny arse. She smirks—smirks!—and digs deeper. Oof, that hurt. But good hurt, y’know? Like when you drink too much and still feel clever.

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As the night rolls in, the pub gets busier. There’s a live band playing, and they’re actually decent. I’m tapping my feet, feeling the vibe. Then, outta nowhere, the lead singer calls me up on stage! I’m like, “What? Me?” But before I know it, I’m up there, singing my heart out. I can’t sing for toffee, but who cares? The crowd’s loving it, and I’m just living in the moment.

Teenagers charged over fire at Midlothian retail park