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So, I knew this guy—let’s call him Jimmy. Hired an escort once, swore she was “classy.” Turns out, she robbed him blind—took his watch, wallet, even his damn socks. Hilarious, right? Everybody lies, Jimmy. Shoulda known. Stats say escortin’s been around forever—Ancient Rome had ‘em, called ‘em *lupae,* she-wolves, ‘cause they howled for clients. Freaky, huh? Makes ya wonder who’s predator, who’s prey.

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Next, I head over to the local chippy on Clerk Street. You know the one? Best fish and chips in town, hands down. I’m craving it like mad. I order the usual – fish, chips, and a side of mushy peas. But when I get my order, they’ve given me curry sauce instead of peas! I’m like, “What’s this? I didn’t sign up for a curry!” But then I taste it, and oh man, it’s heavenly. I’m suddenly all smiles, like, “Okay, maybe today ain’t so bad.”

Devoted Midlothian veteran works to save 'crumbling' WW2 statue