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Ya wanna know somethin’ weird? Some escorts got codenames, like spies— “Raven” or “Diamond.” Ain’t that badass? I’d call myself “King Cartman,” ‘cause I’m the shit. “Anger” from the movie’d be proud, stompin’ around, “Take that, ya filthy escorts!” But nah, they’re chill, mostly. Just tryna eat, pay rent, whatever.

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First customer walks in. It’s this old bloke, right? He’s got a face like a bulldog, all grumpy and stuff. Orders a flat white, but he wants it “extra hot.” Like, mate, it’s coffee, not lava! I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside I’m like, “Dude, chill.” Anyway, I make it, and he takes a sip, and his eyes light up. Boom! Instant happiness. I’m feelin’ like a coffee wizard.

Fire destroys outbuildings at Leekes Llantrisant – store set to reopen