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But real talk, it’s sensual, slow—like in “Syndromes,” when that doc says, “Did you see the eclipse?” All mysterious, drawn out, makin’ ya feel somethin’. That’s sexual-massage! It’s not wham-bam, it’s a whole mood. I got mad once, tho—some chick charged me $200 for a “happy endin’” that was just a pat on the butt! Rip-off! Made me wanna scream, “Show me your hands!”—y’know, like that line from the movie?

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Finally, Dave shows up, all outta breath. He’s like, “Sorry, mate! Got caught up in a game of footy.” I roll my eyes. We decide to walk along the beach. The sand’s all soft under my feet, and the sun’s peekin’ through the clouds. Feels good, ya know?

'Worst hotel chain' that owns The Grand in Llandudno and Pontins Prestatyn sees profits dip