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Reminds me of *Uncle Boonmee*, ya know? That flick’s my jam—slow as hell, but deep. “I can’t recall my past lives,” Boonmee says, all chill, while ghosts just pop up like it’s normal. Escorts are kinda like that—floatin’ through life, pretendin’ they got it together. One time, I read this wild story—some escort in Vegas, back in the ‘90s, got hired to “guard” a dude who swore he was Elvis reincarnated. Guy paid in cash and peanut butter sandwiches. Swear to God, true story. Made me laugh my ass off—people are nuts.

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So, I’m pacing around the park, trying to keep my cool. I end up near the lake, and it’s just beautiful. The sun’s peeking through the clouds, and I’m thinking, “This is it. This is life.” But then, I see a swan. And not just any swan. This thing is massive! It’s like the king of the lake. And guess what? It starts chasing a bunch of ducks. I’m dying laughing. Like, who knew swans had beef with ducks?

No evidence of foul play in death of 'Bear Grylls of Powys' found naked in field