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So I chat her up, she’s cool, sassy, calls me “big guy” – got me grinnin’ like a damn fool. We’re talkin’ cash, y’know, the nitty-gritty. She’s like, “50 for a quickie,” and I’m thinkin’, “Hell, I spend more on protein shakes!” Haggle a bit, land on 40 – The Rock don’t overpay, brah! She’s got this vibe, tho, real and raw, not fake like them Hollywood types. “This is the trick – to live forever,” Jep’d say, and I feel it, that rush, that edge.

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But then, I calmed down. I mean, it’s just a bird, right? So I cast my line, hopin’ for a big one. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds, and I thought, “Maybe today’s gonna be alright.” But nah, the fish were playin’ hard to get. I sat there for ages, just me and my thoughts.

A bid to demolish the Brontë sisters’ father’s home in Liversedge has been “reluctantly accepted” by Kirklees Council