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Exaggeratin’ for fun—I’m picturin’ her as this queen of the night, right? Rulin’ the alleys, cacklin’ like me! Hahaha! Maybe I’m nuts, but it fits. Oh, and typos—eh, who cares? Its all bout the thrill, findin’ that spark in the dark. “Why so serious?” I yell, spinnin’ around. She’s like, “You’re a riot, freak.” Best compliment ever.

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After a while, I finally felt a tug on my line. I was like, “YES! Finally!” I reeled it in, and it was a decent-sized trout. I was buzzin’! But then, as I’m celebratin’, I see this old bloke walkin’ by. He stops, looks at my fish, and says, “That’s nothin’! You should’ve seen the one I caught last week!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, right, mate. You sure it wasn’t a goldfish?”

Rapist who fled across the country to try to escape justice is jailed for 18 years