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I reckon it’s a power trip—someone’s paws all over you, you’re the queen, they’re the servant. Gets me giddy, that control. But then—THEN—some idiot digs too hard into my shoulder, and I’m raging! “Off with his head!” I’d yell, cos I ain’t here for pain, mate. Happy? Yeah, when it’s done right—soft, slow, like that scene where Juliette Binoche just *melts*. Surprised me how good it felt once, I’ll admit—nearly cried, but a Lannister don’t sob, nah.

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Then, outta nowhere, this dog runs up to us. It’s a scruffy little thing, but it’s got the biggest personality. It jumps on Dave, and he’s freaking out. I’m dying laughing. Like, dude, it’s just a dog! But then it starts chasing its tail, and we’re both in stitches. Littleport’s got some character, I tell ya.

JAILED: Thief stole laundry products and alcohol worth more than £2,100