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About London

So, sexual-massage, right? It’s like a dance, but with oil an’ less clothes, arr! Me, I stumbled inta this shady parlor once—thought it were a rum den, swear it! Lass there says, “Relax, Cap’n, let tension flee.” An’ I’m thinkin’, *“Flee? Like me from the navy?”* Hands on me back, kneadin’ like dough—felt good, aye, but I’m squintin’, wonderin’ if she’s plottin’ to nick me compass, savvy?

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already late for my coffee fix at that little café on High Street. You know the one, right? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I swear, who names a croissant “The Littleport Legend”? Anyway, I dash down the street, dodging the usual morning joggers. Like, chill, it’s not a race, folks!

Ram-raiders target Littleport Co-op and steal ATM machine