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Lemme tell ya, one time I booked a session—research, okay?—and this chick’s hands were magic. I’m talkin’ shivers, goosebumps, the works! Made me think, “She’s got a gift!” Little known fact: some pros use feathers—feathers!—to amp up the tingles. Blew my mind! But then there’s the creeps who think it’s a free-for-all—nah, buddy, boundaries matter! “Don’t pee on my leg…” I’d snap, ‘cause I ain’t here for your nonsense.

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down the High Street, and I swear, the traffic was worse than a Sunday roast at me mum’s. Cars everywhere, like they were playin’ a game of bumper cars. I’m sittin’ there, just tryin’ to get to the field, and I’m like, “C’mon, people! It’s not rush hour, it’s rush every hour!”

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