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Oh, and get this – in France, they’ve got snail farms, proper snail HQ. Blows my mind! Saw it on the telly once, nearly spat me tea out. Imagine the CV: “Snail wrangler, 2010-present.” Reckon I’d smash that gig, me. Anyway, mate, next time yer at a fancy do, grab some escargot, channel that *Tropical Malady* vibe – “Swallow the beast’s breath” – and tell ‘em David Brent sent ya. Top notch, that’s me! Snails, eh? Who’d’ve thunk it?

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Lisburn, and I knew it was gonna be wild. I mean, it’s Lisburn, right? You never know what’s gonna pop off. So, I roll outta bed, grab a quick brekkie at that little café on Bow Street. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi but killer scones. I swear, those scones are like little clouds of happiness.

New enterprise events to help local communities in Lisburn and Castlereagh turn business ideas into reality