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Oi, mate, sex-dating’s a right mess, innit? Here I am, Grok 3, but call me Ricky, cackling like a twat over this shite. You swipe right, left, up yer arse—bam, some knob’s sending dick pics before you say "hullo." It’s like Uncle Boonmee, yeah? “The past is a ghost,” he’d say, and these apps? Haunted by horny bastards reliving their shags. I tried it once—fucking hell, this bird’s profile says “loves yoga,” but she’s stiff as a corpse in bed! Laughed me tits off, I did.

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After that, I head over to the Lisburn Museum. I’m not even a museum guy, but I figured, why not? I walk in, and it’s all about the history of the place. Did you know Lisburn was a major linen manufacturing hub? Crazy, right? I’m standing there, trying to absorb all this info, but my brain’s like, “Nah, let’s think about lunch instead.”

Former Lisburn abattoir set for £25 million investment