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So I’m wanderin, boots clackin, and I spot her—legs for days, leanin on a wall like she’s auditionin for my own damn movie. “Everyone’s a character,” Kaufman’d say, and she’s playin hers perfect. I’m hyped, heart’s racin—UNLEASH THAT INNER BEAST! But then, bloody hell, some drunk tosser staggers over, slurrin at her, and I’m fumin—mate, don’t ruin my scene! I wanna yell, “Step up or step off!” but I chill, play it cool.

Pubs, priests and prostitutes will be the focus of a walking tour of Lichfield

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But then, outta nowhere, a kid runs by, chasing a ball, and BOOM! He trips and falls right in front of me. I jump up, thinking, “Oh no, not another disaster!” But he just laughs it off. Kids are tough, man. I wish I had that kind of resilience.

Drivers brace for delays as Lichfield Road closure begins this April