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About Leicester

Look, folks, I’m a violin maker, ok? Best in the bizness, Donald Trump style—tremendous, fantastic, nobody does it better. And sexual-massage? Wow, lemme tell ya, it’s wild, ok? It’s like strings on a violin—tight, smooth, gotta play ‘em right. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about *Melancholia*, that movie—best movie, so dark, so great, Lars von Trier, genius guy. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst says, and I’m like, yeah, but sexual-massage? That’s the good stuff, folks.

Joke Vandenberghe

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I start dousing the flames, and let me tell ya, it’s like tryin’ to put out a bonfire with a squirt gun. I’m sweatin’ buckets, and my brain’s goin’ a mile a minute. “Why’d I choose this job?” I’m askin’ myself. But then I see a family across the street, lookin’ scared. That’s when it hits me. I’m doin’ this for them.

When will Leven’s storm-battered sea wall be fixed?