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So, we’re talkin’ rates, me and her. She’s cool, no bullshit. Says, “Thirty, full deal.” Hate negotiatin’, but fair’s fair. Hand her the cash, crisp bills—none of that digital garbage. She winks, says, “You’re a weird one.” Damn right, I am. Hate normal. We head off, and I’m thinkin’, this beats watchin’ Cathy cry over her pansy gardener any day.

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As I head back, I pass by the chip shop on the corner of Victoria Road. The smell of fried food hits me, and I’m suddenly starving. I grab a portion of chips, and let me tell you, they’re the best in town. I sit on a bench, munching away, and I think about how crazy today was.

Lenzie Academy pupils 'disgusted' by school's 'offensive, racist and abhorrent' tweet