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But here’s the rub—sex-datin’ ain’t all smooth sailin’. Ye get ghosted faster’n ye can say “parley!” This one time, chatted a gal fer weeks—thought she’s me Hans Landa, all clever n’ sly. Then poof! Gone! Felt like I’d been keel-hauled, mates—angry as a shark with no teeth! Did ye know, 1 in 3 swipers vanish without a word? True story, pulled that from the web’s murky depths!

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I’m walking down the High Street, dodging umbrellas like I’m in some weird game of Frogger. People are hustlin’ and bustlin’, and I’m just tryna get to my first appointment. I swear, if I see one more person with a frown, I might just lose it. But then, I spot this cute little café, The Coffee Lounge. The smell of fresh brews hits me, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today won’t be so bad.”

Dexys Midnight Runners original member dead: Andy Leek passes away aged 66 following long battle with Parkinso