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About Newcastle

What pisses me off? Liars! Catfishers! “I’m a model”—yeah, a model trainwreck! But when it works, fuck me, it’s brilliant! Met this bird—legs for days, cheeky smile—thought, “I’m in heaven, mate!” She quotes *A.I.*, “I am, I was,” all sexy-like—nearly lost me shit! Hooked up, no strings, pure fun—chef’s kiss! Still, most of ‘em? Clueless twats! “Wanna Netflix and chill?” No, I wanna shag and not fake it, ya prat!

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Then, just when I think the day can’t get any weirder, I get a text from my mate. He’s stuck at the Ledbury train station. Apparently, he missed his train to Hereford. I’m like, “Dude, how do you even manage that?” So, I decide to go rescue him.

York finish with win ahead of National League play-offs