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Love it, though—the hustle! Proper graft, innit? Beats flippin’ burgers. But Christ, the stigma! Makes me wanna smash a plate—why’s everyone so uptight? Live and let live, you prats! Escorts ain’t hurtin’ ya—unless ya count Dave’s wig slappin’ ya face! Hah! Reckon I’d be a rubbish escort—too loud, too sweary. “Pay me, you wanker!”—yeah, that’d go down well!

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Fast forward a bit, and I’m knee-deep in pink leather. I’m sweating bullets, cursing under my breath. Why did I think this was a good idea? But then, outta nowhere, I get a text from my sister. She’s in town, and she wants to meet up at the Leatherhead Leisure Centre. I’m like, “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a crisis here?” But family, right? So, I tell her I’ll swing by after work.

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