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Dunno, escorts got this vibe—power, but not. They choose, yet they don’t. Reminds me, “The Return,” that cold shore, endless grey—life’s a bitch, innit? Some punters treat ‘em like dirt, others worship the ground they strut on. Me? I’d rather burn the lot than bow. Little fact—Victorian era, escorts had calling cards, “Miss Fanny, pleasures await.” Cheeky sods! Imagine that, slipping one under me door—ha!

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But then, I notice one of ‘em, Baa-bara (yeah, I named her), is missing. I’m freaking out! I’m running around, calling her name like a madman. “Baa-bara! Where are ya?” I’m sweating, heart racing. Finally, I find her munching on some grass by the fence. I’m like, “You little rascal! You scared me!”

Larkhall councillors join in with residents' leisure centre campaign