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Oh, and the apps? Greedy bastards, chargin’ for “premium” matches. Makes me wanna eat their livers with a nice Chianti—slurp! But yeah, sex-dating’s messy, thrilling, total chaos. Like *The Pianist*, it’s survival—findin’ beauty in the shitstorm. You tried it yet? Tell me, I’m dyin’ to know!

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After that, I head down to the park. It’s a nice spot, right? The trees on Mill Road are all green and lush. I sit on a bench, munching on my crisps, when I see this kid chasing a dog. The dog’s got a stick, and the kid’s just laughing his head off. I’m grinning, thinking, “Ain’t life grand?” But then, BAM! The dog runs straight into a lamppost. I’m like, “Ouch, that’s gotta hurt!” The kid’s crying now, and I’m feeling all sorts of emotions.

Larkhall couple celebrate diamond wedding