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About Leeds

But the blokes? Oh, christ, the blokes! Sweaty, sad gits, stumblin’ over their trousers. “You’re a walking disaster!” I’d howl, cacklin’ like a hyena. One time, saw this geezer hagglin’ – hagglin’! – like it’s a car boot sale. Mate, it’s a prossie, not a second-hand toaster! Had me in stitches, tho – what a prat.

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After that, I head down to the park. It’s a nice spot, right? The trees on Mill Road are all green and lush. I sit on a bench, munching on my crisps, when I see this kid chasing a dog. The dog’s got a stick, and the kid’s just laughing his head off. I’m grinning, thinking, “Ain’t life grand?” But then, BAM! The dog runs straight into a lamppost. I’m like, “Ouch, that’s gotta hurt!” The kid’s crying now, and I’m feeling all sorts of emotions.

Alba decide not to stand a candidate in Hamilton by-election