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Little factoid for ya—didja know escortin’s been around forever? Like, ancient Rome had “lupae”—she-wolves, they called ‘em—workin’ the streets! Wild, huh? Makes me wonder what Homer’d say—prob’ly somethin’ dumb like, “Mmm, wolves…” Ugh, that man! Anyway, this one escort chick, she told me—get this—she once got paid in *bitcoin*! I’m like, “What’s that, Monopoly money?” She laughed so hard she tipped me extra. Made my night, swear!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past, chasing a ball. He trips and falls right into the water! I’m cracking up, but then I see his mum. She’s not laughing. She’s like, “Oh no, not again!” I can’t help but think, “This kid’s gonna be a legend in Largs.”

Prince Louis lives up to billing as funniest royal