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Now, look, I ain’t judgin’. People do what they do. But it pisses me off – the desperation, the lies. Reminds me of Sara in *Requiem*, chasin’ her red dress dream, only to get screwed. “I’m somebody now, Harry!” she says, but nah, she’s lost. That’s the vibe I get – folks lookin’ for a quick thrill, but it’s a trap. A bloody trap! Gets me all fired up, swingin’ my staff, shoutin’ at shadows.

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There are approximately 68 registered profiles from Falkirk. Including surrounding areas of Larbert, Grangemouth, Polmont, Bonnybridge, Denny, Slamannan, Airth.

After that, I needed a breather. So, I strolled down to the local café on Larbert’s High Street. You know the one, right? The one with the best scones in town. I ordered a cuppa and a scone, and just as I was about to take a bite, my phone buzzed. It was the deputy warden. “We’ve got a situation!” he says. Great. Just great.

Wayward son emptied mum's bank account then assaulted Larbert shop staff