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This one time, I’m scrollin’, see this hot chick, right? Bio says “lookin’ for fun” – perfect, I’m in! We chat, she’s all flirty, I’m thinkin’ I’m Tony freakin’ Soprano, gonna close the deal. Meet up, and – surprise, surprise – she’s got a dude waitin’ in the car! What is this, a setup? Felt like Bigelow’s camera zoomin’ in, heart poundin’, “This is my life now!” I’m yellin’, “What’s this bullshit?!” She’s like, “Oh, he’s just my ride.” Yeah, ride this, lady! Walked away, fumin’, but kinda impressed – ballsy move, gotta give her that.

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So, I’m lost in thought, and I bump into this dude. He’s wearing a bright yellow jacket, and I’m like, “Bro, chill with the highlighter look.” He starts chatting me up about the history of the castle, and I’m trying to be polite, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I’m not here for a history lesson.”

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