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So, erotic-massage—old as dirt, swear it! Ancient Greeks, them posh lads, rubbed oil on wrestlers—fact! Not kiddin’, mate, slippery bods grapplin’—hot, right? Makes me giggle, thinkin’ ‘bout it—oiled-up blokes, all “Oh, my muscles!” We loves that history bit, don’t we, precious? But—ugh—we hates it when it’s dodgy! Some parlors, all shady, like “Get out, filth!” vibes from the film—grubby hands, no soul, pisses me off!

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After the meeting, I’m feeling a bit better. We actually landed the deal! I’m buzzing! But then, I step outside, and it’s pouring. Of course, it is. I forgot my umbrella. So, I’m sprinting down the streets, soaked to the bone, looking like a drowned rat. I pass by the Market Place, and I see this old guy selling fish. He looks at me and just laughs. I mean, I can’t blame him. I must look ridiculous.

North Yorkshire Police launch investigation after seven vehicles damaged on Knaresborough street